Too Much Pressure on Young Athletes? When Does It Go Too Far?

Open

Sue 0:00

At what point did kids stop playing because they loved the game and start playing because everyone else expected them to succeed? Somewhere along the way, having fun turned into rankings, scholarships, scouting, and the pressure to be the next big thing. We want young athletes to dream big. We want them to compete. We want them to succeed. But there is a fine line between pushing a young athlete to be their best and putting so much pressure on them that they start losing the very reason they fell in love with sports in the first place. So where is that line?

TFTO Intro

Sue 0:34

Welcome to True Fan True Opinions. I'm Sue. Around here, being a true fan doesn't mean blindly agreeing with everything your team does. It means caring enough to tell the truth. So let's talk sports like fans do.

Kids at play

Sue 0:50

Before we get into this, let me make one thing clear. This isn't a parents are bad episode. It isn't a kids today episode. Pressure isn't always a bad thing. It can motivate you, push you, and even help create champions. But when does healthy encouragement become unhealthy pressure? That's the line I want to talk about today. Let's go back to where it all starts. For most kids, the beginning isn't about sports careers. They're not thinking about scholarships, contracts, rankings, or whether they're going to make it professionally. They're playing for one simple reason, because it's fun. And I think that's when kids really fall in love with sports. When they're free to just play. They're learning, getting better, making friends, competing, running around, being silly, and then just enjoying the game. There's no pressure about what comes next. No worrying about rankings, scouts, no feeling like every mistake matters. Sports still feel like a game, not a job. And somewhere along the way, for some young athletes, that starts to change. But it all starts with the magic of play, the pure fun. Games brings instant joy and laughter. And there's no fear. Kids play harder when failure is okay, when it doesn't matter. The joy. That the fun keeps them coming back every day with your friends. Right? You are just waiting to get outside and play with your friends in the backyard, down at the park, in the driveway. And that's also what it's all about, right? Building friendships. Some of our best friends were the ones we were on the field with, on the ice with. And we felt like we belonged. It was a group of us. And everybody wants to feel part of a group, right? And those were some of the best times, the best memories. Rushing to go play in the backyard with your friends to the park or the local outdoor ice rink. It was after school, on weekends. You met with the gang and you just played. It's when kids had their freedom, right? They had their own choice. Baseball field, soccer fields, basketball courts, ice rinks, they all felt like places of total freedom. It was a safe place. And kids love to make up their own games, right? Their own rules. They were their own referees. It was that innocence of competition. They just wanted to play. There was no scoreboards. They just played with no pressure. Well, until the parents were calling you back in for supper or dinner time. But eventually the backyard, the driveway, the playground, they turn into something a little bit more organized. And that's when the jersey goes on, right? There's a coach on the bench. Practice have structure. Somebody's keeping score. And now you're part of a team. Now that doesn't mean the fun disappears. In fact, this is where a lot of kids discover another reason to love sports: the feeling of getting better. You learn the game, you master a new skill, you start understanding your role, your position on the team. You make a play you couldn't make a few months ago. And that feels pretty darn good. But this is also where something begins to shift. Because somewhere between simply playing the game and learning how to perform in the game, expectations can start creeping

Expectations: Where does it start? Where does it come from?

Sue 4:33

in. So where does all the pressure come from? Well, the truth is it rarely comes from just one place. Some of it comes from the people around the young athlete, and some of it comes from within. And sometimes it's hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. There's the internal pressures. The kids, they often demand perfection from themselves, right? So it's to self-impose expectations. And they often link their personal value entirely to winning or playing well. Then you have the external influences, so parents and families. And even though they mean well, the post-game critiques they create heavy stress. The car ride home is the most vulnerable time for a young athlete. And I know the parents think they're helping by saying something like, Well, Timmy, you played great, except for that one error. Next time you should do this or try this. Instead of just saying, You played great, and leave it at that. And then there's the coaches. And we have some excellent coaches out there. I know that. But the pressure can come from them as well, and in different forms, right? When they give conditional affection. And what I mean by that is they shower the kid with praise, high fives, they give attention when they perform well, but they completely ignore them, avoid eye contact, or even speaks, you know, coldly at them after a mistake or a bad game. Now the kid is playing out of fear of losing their approval and and or not getting enough playing time the next game. There's also the identity trap. And what I mean by that is when a coach labels a child early on, um, like by saying, you are strictly a defender, you are a power hitter, and then they refuse to let them play another position. And then there's the pressure of playing through pain and fatigue. Right? We hear this a lot from the coaches. They'll ask the young athlete, are you hurt or are you injured? Or we we need you out there to win this. And then they praise the kids who play through these injuries, or that they're totally exhausted and you should, they shouldn't even be out there. This pressure forces them to ignore their own body signals, right? Leading to severe overuse injuries. They burn out and a dangerous belief that their physical well-being is less important than the game's outcome. Then there's another external influence, social media. Kids are constantly on TikTok, reels, and Instagram posts, right? And they're heavily edited, and they're seeing their peers, their friends executing like flawless plays, receiving awards, or even committing to top-tier teams. The comparison must be exhausting for these young athletes. A child who had a great game night opens their phone and immediately feels inadequate because a peer posted a video looking faster or more skilled. They forget that social media filters out the mistakes, injuries, and bad days. And it comes from the parents and the fans, right? They're always recording these games on their smartphones. And then a bad mistake, an embarrassing trip, or an emotional outburst can be uploaded to platforms like TikTok in seconds. And now that poor kid is just reliving that moment over and over. Also, there's parents and kids that are creating dedicated athletic profiles to track stats, tag brands, and post-game footage. Success is no longer measured just by wins, but by views, likes, and followers. So kids are no longer just worrying about disappointing their immediate teammates. They fear becoming a permanent viral meme at their school. And then there's the pressure of the grind culture, uh, the overexposure. And what I mean by that is there's influencers or older athletes preaching that if you aren't training at 5 a.m. every single day, you don't want it badly enough. Hashtag no days off and hashtag rise and grind. Those kinds of content is hard on the young athletes, right? They feel intense anxiety for taking a day off to rest or hanging out with friends, or simply by just being a kid and viewing essential recovery time as laziness. And if the pressure from parents, coaches, and social media wasn't already enough, this is where for me things really became eye-opening. Because now we're not just talking about playing time, winning, or being the best player on the team. We're talking about money, scholarships, nil deals, a possible future. And the more I researched this part, the more I kept thinking, these are just still kids. The modern youth sports have evolved into a highly money-making industry, like over 40 billion, which then that exposed teenagers and even elementary age children to financial burden. You got the ROI guilt, which is the return on investment guilt. And this is when kids they're smart, right? They're aware of the family sacrifices. They know that parents are spending lots of money, like three to twenty thousand dollars a year on or more on travel teams, gear, private coaches, everything that takes to get ahead in the game. So then the kids have that guilt. It's like a toxic obligation to perform well, just to repay their parents for sacrificing family vacations or the parents dipping into their savings. And I assume the sport stops feeling like a game and now starts feeling like a job where they must deliver a return on their parents' investment. They can't just go out and play and be a kid. And then there's the scholarships, right? Many children are told that the athletic scholarship is the only path to a debt-free college education. And that's unbelievable pressure. Kids should not feel that. But they know, they know the parents can't just afford school, and some of them can't. And that kind of expectation can trigger performance anxiety, severe sleep issues, and a fear of getting injured. So they can't go out and play. A lot of these athletes, these young athletes, are concealing their physical injuries. They're lying about their injuries. And then there's severe mental health struggles out of fear that showing weakness will cause recruiters to revoke a scholarship offer. So they just hide the injuries, they just lie about it. And then there's the pressure of the Nil pressure, N-I-L. The N stands for their name, the I is for image, and L is their likeness. So the Nil rule extends now to high schoolers, not just college or universities. And these teenagers are facing professional marketing pressure. They're no longer just athletes. They are corporate identities managing personal brands. They constantly have anxiety to maintain an online persona, and that they have to post these highlight reels, and they just have to be perfect. These young athletes are having adult-sized stress like contract negotiations, complex tax obligations, and even public scrutiny. The pressures of making it to the juniors, to the minor leagues, to get drafted. And I'm gonna take hockey, for example. The pressure to get noticed by major junior leagues like the CHL, the Canadian Hockey League, or the top-tier USHL program, which is United States Hockey League, it peaks by the age of 14, 15 years of age just to stay on the radar of the junior scouts. Sometimes these young teens they frequently leave home to live with billet families and attend specialized hockey academies or move across state and country lines at such a young age. Junior rosters are rare. So the kids are living under constant stress of knowing that a bad multi-game slump means they can be cut, traded, or even replaced by a different teenager. I'm gonna share something that I was not aware of, but sadly it does not surprise me. It's the red shirt trend. So this is where families are now intentionally holding straight A students back in the eighth grade. So the background of this is basically it gives the boys an extra year to grow bigger, faster, and stronger than their peers. And that's to gain a physical edge for junior drafts and future nil deals. I think we have to admit that as a society, we're putting a tremendous amount of pressure on these young athletes. We're commercializing childhood sports, turning what once was as simple as going outside and playing into something that for some kids can feel like a high-stakes pipeline towards scholarships, money, and eventually a professional career. And when kids start walking away from sports because it's simply not fun anymore, I think that's something we need to pay attention

Is Pressure the problem?

Sue 14:25

to. But here's where I want to be careful. After everything I just talked about, it would be easy to say that pressure is the problem. And I don't think it's that simple. Because the right kind of pressure can actually be a very good thing. And that's the other side of this conversation. Not all pressure is bad. Sometimes we need a little pressure. It challenges us, it gets us out of our comfort zone, it teaches us how to handle tough moments, how to bounce back when things don't go our way, and how to keep working when something doesn't come easy. And for a young athlete, that can be a really good thing. Because there's a big difference between pressure that says, you have to succeed, and the pressure that says, I know you can do this. One can weigh you down, the other can push you forward. And good pressure establishes structured routines that teaches kids how to manage their time and energy. So it develops discipline, like consistency. Practicing on days when they are tired teaches youth that success requires showing up regardless of your mood. And working for months to master a skill like a hockey slap shot or basketball shot proves that effort yields results over time. Delayed gratification is not a bad thing. And then there's time management, right? Juggling practice, homework, and even getting rest forces the young athlete to learn time management skills before adulthood. Good pressure also builds accountability. Knowing that a teammate depends on them to know the place or show up on time for practice and game time is a big thing. Following team rules, dress codes, and being punctual teaches kids to respect boundaries set by authority figures and then owing their mistakes. Good pressure encourages athletes to analyze, dissect a bad performance or a mistake, an error. Accept their role in it and focus on adjustments, how to get better. And this might be my favorite part of the good side of pressure: building confidence. Think about a young athlete in a pressure situation. Maybe the game's tied, maybe they're being asked to play a position they've never played before. Maybe the coach puts them out there in the final minute. They're nervous, they've got butterflies. They might even be thinking, I don't know if I can do this. But they go out there anyway. They make a decision, they trust what they learn. Maybe they make the pass, score the goal, get the out, whatever that moment happens to be. And suddenly they got something they didn't have before. Proof. Proof that they can handle a difficult moment. And here's the part I really like. Even if they don't succeed, there's still something valuable happening. Maybe they missed a shot. Maybe they make the wrong play. Maybe they lose the game. And you know what? They're okay. They learn that making a mistake isn't the end of the world. You get back up, you practice, you try again. And little by little, that fear of failing doesn't have quite the same power over you. That's what I found really interesting when I was researching this. Confidence isn't always somebody standing on the sidelines telling a kid, you're great, you can do anything. Sometimes the strongest confidence is earned. It's that moment when a young athlete goes from, I hope I can do this, to I know I can do this because I've done this before. And that confidence doesn't have to stay on the field, court, or ice. Because one of the best things sports can teach a young athlete is how to handle the moments when things don't go exactly the way they're planned. And that's not just a sports lesson, that's a life lesson. And let's face it, adult life gives us plenty of opportunities to practice handling pressure. Nobody

Different Arena, Same Lesson

Sue 18:32

has to go looking for it. Bills, jobs, responsibilities, you know, all the fun stuff nobody puts on the brochures. And that's another place where sports can help prepare young athletes for what's ahead. Because eventually the scoreboard gets replaced by deadlines. Coaches become bosses, teammate becomes co-workers, and yeah, you're still going to have days when things don't go your way. Different arena, same lesson. And we see the other side of this at the highest level of sports all the time. We celebrate great athletes for performing when the pressure is at its highest. And there's no question that learning how to handle pressure can be part of becoming a great competitor. But here's the thing: a young athlete doesn't have to become a superstar for those lessons to matter. Pressure can teach discipline, it can teach accountability, it can build confidence and resilience. But there's a line. And when pressure stops building a young athlete and starts breaking them down, that's when we have a problem. And this is where I think we as parents, coaches, caregivers, and really any adult involved in youth sports have an important role to play. We want to encourage them, we want to challenge them, we want to help them become better athletes. But we also have to remember they're still kids. And sometimes our job isn't to push harder, sometimes it's to recognize when enough is enough. Because there are signs when healthy pressure starts becoming something more, and we need to pay attention to them. Like emotional changes. The young athlete, they get easily upset over minor setbacks. There's outbursts of anger, they have low self-esteem, and they have high anxiety. Constant worry replaces childhood excitement. Then there's the behavioral shifts, like dropping out of activities they once loved, their withdrawal, procrastination, they delay going to practice, doing their homework, leaving the house. Or obsessive practice. They just practice and work over and over past the point of exhaustion. And there's social isolation. They're pulling away from their teammates and their close friends. And we could talk about physical symptoms, right? There's the sleep issues, they're struggling to fall asleep, or they're waking up all the time. Constant complaints of headaches and stomach aches. Even their appetite changes. They eat more, they eat less. And they got some nervous habits, right? They developed sudden ticks and nail biting or hair pulling. There's even science in their performance. From missing easy plays that they've really never missed before could be from overthinking, right? They're zooning out during instructions or gameplay, so low focus, where they used to be laser sharp. And not just sports, but their grades are taking a hit too. When the negative pressure is left unchecked, it can have severe consequences on the young person's development. Highly talented kids will suddenly quit a sport they excelled at. And this is rarely because they hate the game. It is because quitting is the only way they can reclaim control over their own life. They just become burnt out. And then there's the Mental side of it. They have severe anxiety, panic attacks before games, depression, and even eating disorders. Then injuries, and not everyday injuries that can occur during a game or practice, but like serious injuries from overuse. And this happens when the young kid is playing only hockey or only soccer year round. They don't take any time off, or they don't even play a different sport to learn different movements, to get different kinds of exercise. If they're only playing hockey all year round, this can trigger an adult-style overuse injury, like tearing the ACL or having Tommy John surgeries. And let's be real here, kids are not fully physically developed yet. So those kind of surgeries should not even happen. There's one more part of this that I do not want to overlook. When a young athlete spends years being known as the hockey player, the gymnast, the soccer star, or the kid who's going places, what happens when things aren't going well? Because there's a difference between saying I had a bad game and starting to believe I'm not good enough. Sports can be a huge part of who a young person is, but it shouldn't have to become their entire identity. A bad game shouldn't mean they're a bad athlete. And being a bad athlete certainly doesn't mean they're somehow less of a person. At the end of the day, the kid has to matter more than the performance. And I think that's the important part here. Recognizing the signs is one thing, but if we're seeing young athletes burning out, struggling with anxiety, dealing with injuries, or simply losing the love they once had for their sport, we can't just shrug our shoulders and say, well, that's sports. Because maybe the question isn't whether we can eliminate pressure. We probably can't. Maybe the better question is can we change the way we create it, the way we handle it, and the way we respond when it becomes too much? And I think we can. And that's where

Parents, caregivers, coaches responsibility

Sue 24:14

we go next. To the parents and caregivers. It starts with us, right? So we need to change that car ride home, the way we communicate with the young athlete, the kid. It should be a golden rule that we just don't critic the game immediately. Because the adrenaline, the excitement is high and a child is very vulnerable. We should use a universal phrase like I love watching you play today. And that's it. No, I love watching you play, but no, no, no, but let them bring up the game specifics when they are ready. We need to praise the process, not the outcome. So maybe avoid saying, great job scoring three goals, or you're a natural. Maybe we should use something like, I love how you bounce back after that mistake, or I don't know, your extra practice on defense really showed. I mean, this also builds confidence for them. We should enforce sports kid life balance, right? Their identity is not just an athlete. Make sure there's breaks from the sport. Ensure they have hobbies when they are allowed to be bad, messy, or just a kid, like playing music, art, going camping. Separate the person from the athlete. Remind them, I am proud of how kind, hardworking, funny you are as a person, not just an athlete. And this is the hardest. And parents might not like hearing this, but the parents, caregivers, we need to check our own energy. If our mood or attitude for the weekend is dictated by whether a team of teenagers won a game or not, then we're most likely passing that anxiety down to our own kids. And we should choose programs, teams, coaches led by adults who make their priority on developing the young over a youth tournament trophy. And speaking of coaches, they are the educators, right? They prepare our young athletes, our kids to adulthood. So the coaches should reward effort and bravery and teamwork. Reward the process over winning the game. Give all the kids equal playing time, regardless of skill level, equal opportunities. Stop shouting constant instructions. Yes, you need to give them certain plays and give them direction, right, on defensive plays or whatnot. But let kids make their own mistakes out there. Let them learn. And then you treat those errors and mistakes as necessary data points for learning, for development, not just errors as failures. And I don't think the responsibility for changing this falls only on parents and coaches. Because ultimately, we're all part of the environment these young athletes are growing up in. That means us, the fans. And it means social media and the media covering them. Fans should be the support crew, not another source of pressure. And the media should be telling their stories, not helping create villains. Because sometimes I think we forget just how young some of these athletes really are. And when I say fans need to be a part of this, I'm talking about how quickly we're willing to judge young athletes. A teenager has a bad game and suddenly we're criticizing them online. A top prospect doesn't develop as quickly as everyone expected, and we're already throwing around words like bust. And social media has the pressure almost impossible to escape. Years ago, maybe a young athlete had a bad game, went home, and eventually moved on from it. Today, they can pick up their phones and see hundreds or thousands of people telling them exactly what they thought of their performance. And then there's the other side of it. Sometimes we build these kids up too much, too soon. The next superstar, the next big thing. And before they even had a chance to figure out who they are as an athlete, we're already deciding who we expect them to become. That's pressure too. So maybe as fans and as the people telling these stories, we need to remember something pretty simple. We can be passionate about sports without forgetting there's a person underneath that jersey. So I started this chapter by asking, can we change it? Can we change the pressure? I honestly think we can. But let's be real. We're never gonna remove pressure from sports, and I don't think we should. Pressure can challenge us and it can motivate us, it can help us grow. The goal isn't getting rid of pressure, is finding the right kind and remembering where the line is.

Sue's True Moment

Sue 29:17

And now, as always, Sue's true moment. When I was growing up, sports were my escape. I couldn't wait to get outside, grab a ball, or turn on a game after school. Winning was exciting, sure, but playing was enough. That's what I hope today's young athletes never lose. Competition is part of sports. Pressure will always be part of sports, but there's a difference between preparing a young athlete to succeed and making them feel like their value depends on succeeding. Every superstar was once just a kid who loved playing a game. Somewhere along the way, the trophies, rankings, scholarship, contracts, and expectations became part of the journey. But our job as parents, coaches, fans, and even the media is to make sure we don't forget why they started playing in the first place.

TFTO Outro/Signoff

Sue 30:10

Thanks so much for listening to another episode of True Fan True Opinions. If you enjoyed today's conversation, I really appreciate it if you follow the show, leave a review, and share it with another sports fan. And don't forget, I want to hear your thoughts. Did you agree with my takes? Did I miss something? Let me know in the comments or on social media. Until next time, keep sharing, keep believing, and remember chin up, don't give up. I'm rooting for you.